The Dishes, the Deadlines, and How a Dad Stopped Being Angry

In brief

Santhosh Krishnamurthy, a software manager near Philadelphia, was short-tempered at home and pushy at work — then an autoimmune illness left him feeling hopeless. A coworker pointed him to Falun Dafa in 2015. Slowly he stopped being angry, and his daughter noticed first.

Whose turn it was

Some anger is small and daily. It hides in who did the chores and who didn’t. If you’ve ever stood at the sink keeping score, you’ll recognize Santhosh.

“If I had to do chores around the house such as washing the dishes, I sometimes thought, ‘I did them yesterday, today it’s her turn to do them. Why should I do the dishes every day?'” he remembers. “I thought that everything had to be spelled out like that.”

He had what looked like a very good life. Born in South India, he moved to the United States with his wife in 2005. He became a manager at a software company in suburban Philadelphia. He had two daughters, parents who cared deeply for him, and a careful habit of exercise and healthy food.

But at home he was quick to snap. His daughters were used to a dad who got agitated over many things.

“I used to be very short-tempered and was an extremely sensitive person,” he says.

At work, he pushed. He was goal-oriented, told his team what had to be done, and expected it delivered. Only later did he see it differently: “In my heart, I was not caring about my team members. So I was a bit pushy and put lots of pressure on the team to deliver.”

Then, in 2015, an autoimmune illness struck. Doctors could find no root cause. His wrists and knees hurt, everyday objects became hard to lift, and he read that the illness might one day affect his eyes.

“The prognosis came like a thunderbolt from the sky,” he recalls. “I became frustrated and dejected.” Later he would put it another way: “Even though I was blessed with everything, I felt empty inside.”

If you’ve ever had everything that’s supposed to make you happy and still felt empty, you know that kind of lonely.

The right moment

He searched online — about the illness, then about God and the universe. “But as I sought spiritually, I was literally lost,” he says.

One summer day in 2015, he mentioned his health to a coworker. The coworker said he had recently started practicing Falun Dafa, a meditation practice built on the principles of Truthfulness, Compassion and Forbearance. He hesitated to say more, unsure Santhosh would be interested in the spiritual side.

“On the contrary, I was very interested in it and it was the right moment,” Santhosh says.

One weekend he downloaded the books, including Zhuan Falun. “The minute I started reading it, I knew this was something very special,” he says. “It is very clear and it started to explain things, giving me answers to the many questions I had in my mind.”

He began doing the exercises every day. “The more I learned and did the exercises, the more I felt de-stressed and wonderful,” he says. Within days, he remembers, the pain began to ease.

What touched him most was not the exercises but a line in the teaching: to be truthful and compassionate, he says, “even if others are angry or insulting you. This is the ultimate thing and it really touches my heart.”

“You haven’t yelled at us”

Slowly, Santhosh found he was no longer so easily irritated. “This is all changing and I am now predisposed to be kind to people,” he says.

At the sink, the scorekeeping stopped. “Now, it’s no longer that she needs to do it or that it’s her thing. Whenever I can help, I will help and just do it.”

His wife noticed. He had stopped arguing, and simply helped get things done, without complaining about what she hadn’t done. Curious, she asked him about Falun Dafa, and sometimes began reading the books herself.

His parents, who were living with them, saw it too. His father told him he had become a new and better person.

And one day his eight-year-old daughter said something he would remember.

“It seems that you haven’t yelled at us for quite a while.”

If someone at home has ever noticed a change in you before you did, you’ll know how much a sentence like that can mean.

At work, the change went the same direction. When a deadline slips now, Santhosh doesn’t get agitated or angry. He asks what happened and what he or the team can do to help. Seeing him calm, his team began to open up about the problems they were facing, including personal ones.

“The team’s perspective of me changed, and the connection with me has become much stronger,” he says. Sometimes they deliver before he even asks. One team member told him he had seen “tremendous improvement” in his management style, especially in meetings and with deadlines. His own supervisor heard about it, and was pleased.

Over the years his mother, aunts and grandmother took up the practice too.

The father who once kept score at the kitchen sink now just washes the dishes. And the household that used to brace for his temper has a daughter who noticed, one day, that the yelling had stopped.

What this story may hold for you

• Anger isn’t always loud. Sometimes it’s quiet scorekeeping — whose turn it is, who did more. Noticing that may be a first step.
• Santhosh didn’t think he had a problem at work until he saw it from his team’s side. You might ask how your calm, or lack of it, lands on the people around you.
• The line that moved him was about staying kind “even if others are angry or insulting you.” Perhaps that’s less about holding anger in, and more about having less of it to hold.
• The people who live with us often see the change first. A child’s one sentence can say more than any self-assessment.
• A miracle might be the body healing, or the heart letting go, or finding meaning again — or any mix of these.

A free guide for letting go of what still burns

If this story touched something in you, there are two more like it.

Our free guide, Letting Go of What Still Burns, gathers three true stories of people who were caught in anger and resentment — and what slowly changed for them — with a gentle page on how to begin.

It’s free. One email with the guide, then a few short letters. Unsubscribe any time.

Questions readers ask

Q: How do I stop being angry with my kids and my spouse?

Santhosh used to get agitated over many things at home and keep score over chores. As he practiced Falun Dafa, he found himself less irritable and simply helped where he could. His daughter’s comment — “you haven’t yelled at us for quite a while” — was how he knew the change was real.

Q: How can I remain calm when my team misses a deadline?

Santhosh used to put heavy pressure on his team. Now, when goals slip, he asks what happened and how he can help. His team opened up, and their connection, he says, “has become much stronger.”

Q: Where does this story come from?

From the Minghui.org report “The Spiritual Journey of a Software Developer” (December 31, 2017), with background from Santhosh Krishnamurthy’s 2022 speech in Philadelphia as reported by The Epoch Times. The quotes are his own words.

A note on health

These stories share personal experiences and inner journeys. They cannot replace professional psychological or medical help, and please don’t stop or change any treatment because of a story. If you are in serious distress or crisis, please reach out to a qualified local counselor, doctor or crisis line.